Monday, December 7, 2009

Gender-Neutral Silliness: Female Therapists/Writers/Lawyers Hoped To Make Tiger Woods Into A Kewpie Doll of Male Victimhood

UPDATE: A Christian view on Tiger Woods


A DAY OR SO AFTER Tiger Wood's infamous run-in with a fire hydrant and wreck into a next-door neighbor's tree, pieces of circumstantial information were pieced together by the rumor-gossip mill that came up with the story that poor Tiger had been run outta his house terrified by his violent and abusive Nordic wife wielding a nine-iron.

Their story continues, so weak and unhinged was Woods that he subsequently wrecked his car trying to escape her wrath. Several days later after Tiger took responsibility for the accident, the rumor mill already decided Tiger was covering up for his wife's spousal abuse out of fear. (A little projection going on here?)

Gender correctness hoped to make Woods into the poster boy male victim overnight and worried that he might cover up for Elin, only to return home and get into battered man syndrome. They yammered that Elin needed to face the kind of justice, even jail time that any of her (equality of all gender outcomes!) male counterparts would have to face. Some of them opined gleefully that Tiger had erroneously saved Elin from being carted away in hand-cuffs. They demanded gender-neutral justice. And they wanted it now, even though none of the facts had even begun to come clear.

Give me a break.

One of the real kickers was when a well-known female therapist/ blogger wrung her hands in over-concern on her site and asked with a straight face the weightiest of questions:

"I wonder if Tiger Woods will get the same treatment Rihanna got when it came to domestic violence? Somehow, I doubt Diane Sawyer will be interviewing him on Good Morning America about his injuries--at least, not with any sympathy."

If I were a man, I'd have been insulted as hell at her patronizing question.

Glad she went on to answer it in the very same breath so the rest of us don't have to: No, we guess Diane Sawyer would not be interviewing Tiger with any great degree of over-sympathy now or ever. And to be brutally honest, it's doubtful that Tiger would be interested in submitting to Diane's form of public inquiry for less money than say a billion dollars up front.

Actually no self-respecting man I know, or have ever known would want to be interviewed as a victim by Diane Sawyer,or any by any other of the maternalistic elites of daytime TV.

Most self-respecting men I know would rather do jail time than be on Oprah or Diane's shows. And I admit that's just the men I know. It appears that there's a growing slew of put-upon men flocking to sites like her for validation and justification. I'm sure there is a need out there and that's fine and good.

This therapist on a later post---still operating under the same hoped-for illusion wondered again with all seriousness: Was Tiger hiding something?

Well yes, my dear, we think he was. Only not what you hoped for. Not by a long shot down a long fairway with lots of hazards.

In the aftermath of all this silliness, I want to say a few things that are gender and politically incorrect.


I believe male and female physical violence are very different and should be treated differently no matter how politically incorrect it is. That does not mean that I'm advocating for physical violence against men. No man nor woman is outside of the rule of law. I also think domestic violence comes in many, many forms other than mere physical violence and abuse: violent silence and cut-off, violent infidelity and the possibillity of infecting one's spouse with STDs , violent nagging, violent gossiping and emotional unfaithfulness. Most people never learn how to deal with normal anger---which can get rough at times--and inevitable conflict, fleeing instead from it until it becomes violent for lack of venting and normal expression.

I also make a huge distinction between sex inside and outside marriage---and a covenant relationship with God. That too is not correct in the secular world, but that is what I think. Infidelity within marriage has much more serious consequences in the eyes of God and the church.

Life and marriage---even the best ones---are messy. And they need the space to be messy outside the confines of the thought and equality police who want to remake society into their busy body image.

I'm done now. I pray for Tiger and this family now in deep crisis and distress.


fraydna52 said...

You raise interesting points here, the most important being that people drew conclusions about the situation without knowing what happened. His apparent serial infidelity is troubling and damaging and would certainly provoke a very strong reaction from his wife. It does not sound like he is an abused spouse.

I believe that there are some women who are capable of inflicting physical harm on a man and are certainly capable of inflicting emotional and psychological damage since I have seen the harm done by a controlling, unloving mother to a son.

However, the fact is that when it comes to physical harm, men are held to a higher standard because in general most men are physically stronger than most women. I have a son and a daughter (he's 5 years older), and when they were young, we did not allow him to get into it physically with his sister because he was twice her size. They had to find other ways to aggravate each other. :^)

I also have firsthand knowledge of a situation where a female worker stormed into a male coworker's office, screamed, got in his face and made threatening hand motions, and forcibly slammed the door because she disagreed with a decision. She was not reprimanded for her behavior, which he reported. If the situation had been reversed, he would have lost his job over the incident.

Back to your original topic, I have a couple of further thoughts. First, it appears that the author of the posts you cite has a very different worldview in which, for example, pornography is seen as harmless.

Second, regarding Woods, I have to wonder if we do anyone a favor by elevating that person to a position of constantly being in the public eye, showered with great wealth and adulation at such a young age. It never seems to work out well.

Most of all I pray for those precious innocent children that will be affected by this.

Webutante said...

You make good points, fraydna, as always. Let me be clear that I am not talking about child abuse--- mothers or fathers who abuse children and adolescents. I'm talking about often normal marital conflict (see David Schnarch and his landmark book 'Passionate Marriage.')

We live in a country where the rule of law prevails. And while it's color-blind, it is not always gender-blind. Still, when a woman shoots and kills her husband, she will get punished by the justice system---with each case being tried and judged on it's own merits. No one will always agree with verdicts ever.

We also live in a culture of the high-celebrity and there's nothing we can do about it. This culture has spawned a nation of busy-bodies and professionals with axes to grind and money and professional prominence to be made by taking on certain causes. This is what I'm addressing here....people and professionals who need for this to be viewed a certain way.

What I am saying here and in the next post is that if we think the Jessie and his race baiters have been interesting, wait until these modern cultural elites bring on the gender baiters. And movements always go way too far...such that every normal marital spat becomes a life or death issue....and there's no emotional space for the full range of human emotions. This only makes things worse, in my opinion. It also can contribute to various diseases in my opinion.

Think you're right about your daughter and son found lots of ways to torture each other but I never remember their having bad fights or hurting each this day they adore one another and treat each other well. Which is not to say they never fight and scream from time to time.

Webutante said...

Yes again, this particular modern therapist condones pornography....and she has myriad "studies" that say it's then she must be right.

fraydna52 said...

Thanks for your further thoughts and clarification. I have to agree with you that movements, though they may start with some good intent, do always end up going too far. How far will this particular pendulum swing?

I like the way you put it: "there's no emotional space for the full range of human emotions". A real relationship has to allow for passionate expression of emotion, even when it's unpleasant. As we like to say around here, "I need to vent!"

Webutante said...

Indeed, venting can be done in healthy ways. But today many people mistake anger and intense anger for violence.

This weekend my son and I had a misunderstanding over something relatively insignificant and he blew his stack at me...I didn't panic and took a hit, and in a minute we decided to go out for a cup of coffee. We both nicely said what we needed to say and within a little while things were on track and we were laughing about the whole thing.

Having a process for handling conflict without fight or flight is truly a gift from God.

Rita Loca said...

I have been traveling and without internet. Can you believe I missed all of this?

Webutante said...

Rita, you've been spared! Meanwhile, it's so good to know you're alive and well!

Alfred T. Neuman said...

For many men this has been a valuable lesson. Don't keep your golf clubs in the bedroom.