BIG NEWS---I've Finally Decided to Transition Into a Man----A Secret Desire I've Had ALL My Life.....

WELL.  IF BRUCE CAN DO IT,  CAN'T I GO FOR IT IN THE OTHER DIRECTION?

Can't you  see me on the cover of Field and Stream next year in camouflage clothes, announcing my new name....John Wayne Webutante?

Don't we have to balance out global sexual orientation reassignments and transgenderism, for heavens sakes?!

I mean,  I like to fish, hike and eat red meat, as well as fish and chicken.  Shoot guns and red pepper spray grizzly bears.  Wouldn't life as a man be far better for me in the long run?

I could throw away all my hair paraphernalia, lipstick...  my skirts and silk blouses and beautiful paisley scarves.  Couldn't I bathe less and scratch in uncouth, secret places more with impunity?  Clip my toenails on my family's sofas?

I've been in prison---in solitary confinement---for decades over this secret desire to transition and now it's time to make my wishes known to the world.....

There's only one thing....ONE THING....that holds me back, just a tiny, little bit from fulfilling this wish to transition... A silly, small thing really, when you think about it..... It's my pearls...Yes pearls....somehow the thought of giving them up holds  me back just a bit....I guess I could wear them as a man, but it just wouldn't quite be the same....... But, HEY! don't worry!  With some feminist-gender-bending therapy and a few shots of testosterone,  I'm sure I'll resolve that issue soon.....

But then, the moral of the story could be that any woman who truly, truly loves pearls could never be anything but a girly-girl in spite of it all.


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