And lastly, as well as empty and painful and busy, the ego is fragile. That is because anything that is overinflated is in imminent danger of being deflated---like an over-inflated balloon. If we are puffed up by air and not filled up with something solid, then to be overinflated or deflated comes down to the same thing. A superiority complex and an inferiority complex are basically the same. They are both the result of being over-inflated. The person with the superiority complex is overinflated and in danger of being deflated; the person with an inferiority complex is deflated already. Someone with an inferiority complex will tell you they hate themselves and they will tell themselves they hate themselves. They are deflated.
To be deflated means you were previously inflated. Deflated or in imminent danger of being deflated---it is all the same thing. And if makes the ego fragile. Empty, painful, busy and therefore, fragile. Let me give you a perfect example of this. I am not trying to lift her up as being worse than other people at all. She actually shows a tremendous amount of self-awareness and I have a lot of admiration for her. But if you want a perfect example of what I am talking about, here is an excerpt from an interview with Madonna in Vogue Magazine some time ago where she is talking about her career. This is what she says:
My drive in life comes from a fear of being mediocre. That is always pushing me. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being but then I feel I am still mediocre and uninteresting unless I do something else. Because even though I have become somebody, I still have to prove that I am somebody. My struggle has never ended and I guess it never will.I will tell you one thing: Madonna knows herself better than most of us know ourselves. Every time she accomplishes something, these are the kind of thoughts she has: 'Now I have got the verdict that I am somebody. But the next day, I realize that unless I keep going, I am not. My ego cannot be satisfied. My sense of self, my desire for self-worth, my need to be somebody----it is not fulfilled. I keep thinking I have won it from what people have said about me and what the magazines and newspapers have written. But the next day, I have to go back and look somewhere else. Why? Because my ego is insatiable. It's a black hole. It doesn't matter how much I throw into it, the cupboard is bare. I have become somebody---but I still need to become somebody.'
We might be tempted to think she (Madonna) is neurotic. No, she knows herself. She is ahead of most of us. That is the normal state of the human self. It is what Paul is talking about to the Corinthians. All these people who are fighting over him and claiming a special relationship with him are showing tremendous amounts of pride. They are unable to enjoy the fact they know Paul. They have to use their relationship with him for one-upmanship over each other in the church. Paul wants them to know the difference the gospel makes and how the gospel has transformed things for him. Look at verses 3 and 4 (1 Corinthians 4:3-4). He shows them how the gospel has transformed his sense of self-worth, his sense of self-regard and his identity. his ego operates in a completely different way now.
(End of Chapter 1)
-----Pastor Tim Keller
Nehemiah's 5 Steps for Handling Conflict
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