Quick Oscar Fashion Review, From Best to Appalling

UPDATE: Okay, I give the above get-up a runner up for best, cause in my heart of hearts, I like it. I like blue and black sequins and netting together. Very glamorous, verging on fabulous (though for the life of me, I can't figure out what she's dragging around in her train---an air conditioning vent? a fly rod travel tube?).

DON'T WANT TO belabor the Oscars which I didn't watch. However, I couldn't resist giving myself a good twenty minutes today looking at the women and their gowns that did the Red Carpet. Think I scanned almost everything and quickly narrowed it down to several pics I think exemplify the best and the worst.

I'm not a costumer myself, nor overly daring when it comes to dressing up. I like simple fashion that I wear and that doesn't wear me. I can appreciate a woman who can pull off some crazy thing. This year Heidi Klum tried in that red dress and failed in my opinion. And except for perhaps Sarah Jessica Parker who came as Princess Cinderellatella, I just didn't see any costumes worth featuring here. So without further ado, I hereby give my Webutante best and worst 2009 Oscar awards starting with the best:

The woman we all love to hate, oh let us count the ways. However, after looking at every single woman at this gig, Angie's still the one--fashion wise and gets top billing here. I like the heart-shape bodice, the simplicity and approachable-ness of the design. It just doesn't get any more elegant than black either. What puts her over the top is her hair, her stunning earrings, her carriage, her posture. Nothing works when you don't carry yourself like royalty (which she is NOT). I hate it that I like her look so much. But I do. She looks like a movie star should. I'd much rather put Jennifer at the top of this post because I think she and her dress are indeed on the conservative side of fabulous. This would be a dress that I'd love to wear. Not too much fabric, just enough going on to make it interesting. Love the way it drapes her great figure. But for me, black still takes the prize over white any day, and her carriage and poise here could improve a bit. I'd also like to see her hair a bit more elegantly coiffed. She's done a fabulous job of overcoming an extremely difficult situation and my hat is off to her. She wears well on the eyes and I'm sure in person, better than you-know-who. Still, I can only give her an enthusiastic second place for Oscar night fashion. Nonetheless, what a great looking woman and gown. I love its texture and the way it's worked out on the bias too.

There's very little about this year's one-strap shoulder fad phenomena that appeals to me. But of the three above, Freida, in the middle, takes the prize after Angie and Jennifer. She's adorable and has the coloring for the bright blue (even though she looks like she ran smack dab into a spider web to me). She carried it off well. I am, however, hard pressed to fathom who advised Kate Winslett, right, on her gown. Someone from AARP? The Steel Workers Union? She's far too pretty for this. Truly, she wins dowdy award of the decade. Color, cut, sash all leave me scratching my head and wondering, What ever was she thinking?

Words truly fail me here, in giving the worst award to Whoopi. I mean, can't she afford some decent fashion advice? In a pinch, why couldn't Barbara Walters have nicely taken her aside and encouraged her to seek professional help? I actually like this woman. One thing to be thankful for is that the leopard print is no larger than it already is. Still, it's way too much for all that reams of fabric, in my opinion (This is scarf material, not dress). So next year, my advice to Whoopi is to go for texture rather than something that looks like wall paper or your erstwhile roommate's shower curtain. And if perchance, she gets a notion to do this kinda thing again, hopefully some good friend will do a fashion intervention and take her to a wardrobe treatment program in an ambulance breaking the speed limit.

UPDATE: Runner-down (below) to Whoopi. Whoever got any dollars for this design including the wet-look dress, the bodice, the hair, is going to need some Obama bailout money because surely they've had to declare bankruptcy this week.

So whadda you think? Hit or miss? This was fun, cause, you know, we all may be wearing sack cloth this time next year.